consider the ravens

i've got bills to pay
taxman on my tail
just keep prayin' that
the check's in the mail

there are times it seems
when everything's lost
and i'm moaning, i'm tossed
and i see

between the river and the ravens i'm fed
between oblivion and the blazes i'm led
so father give me faith, providence and grace
between the river and ravens i'm fed
sweet deliver, oh you lift up my head
and lead me in your way

i've grown sick and tired
of trying to stand still
i've learned to let the wind
pull me where it will

throw myself into
the will of the wait
i can never be great
'til we're free

between the river and the ravens i'm fed
between oblivion and the blazes i'm led
so father give me faith, providence and grace
between the river and ravens i'm fed
sweet deliver, oh you lift up my head
and lead me in your way

although i'm walking through
the valley of the shadow of death
evils all around
it's coming from the right and the left

trust that i will see
the glory above
oh, your banner of love
flies over me

between the river and the ravens i'm fed
between oblivion and the blazes i'm led
so father give me faith, providence and grace
between the river and ravens i'm fed
sweet deliver, oh you lift up my head
and lead me in your way

my shoes they have real soul

ummm... perhaps the best thing ever.

"what is true is that if you're not prepared to be wrong, you'll never come up with anything original"

this man is amazing. i found this clip on the TED website (ted.com - also amazing) when doing some research for one of my grad profs. that same day she ordered his book "the element." she finished it and now i have it in my possession. it is soooo good. not only is it going to be used as the text for the class i am helping her develop on universal design instruction, but it is possibly going to be a required reading for all incoming bsu freshman. and we're going to try to get sir ken robinson to come and speak on campus.... a girl can only dream.

it's a way of being

My sister collects high heel shoes. I have a friend who collects piggy banks. Beaver Falls collects Geneva grads. Muncie collects … corn. Shoot, even Jesus collects disciples. Collecting is natural. It ties us to a certain ideal or memory or whatever that is essential in defining us as whom we are or want to be.

So last week during clinic when my eight-year-old client asked me if I collect anything, I realized to my chagrin that I do not collect anything. ANYTHING.

That’s frustrating. I eventually provided her with a bogus answer of books and sweaters (I really know how to impress this Hannah Montana generation let me tell you). Some truth was in the answer provided. I do have an excessive amount of sweaters and books. But I wouldn’t consider them a collection. They are just pieces of my day to day life.

Needless to say this put me in kind of a funk. Seriously how lame do you have to be to not collect anything? It seems so unnatural. But then a miracle occurred. I turned on my computer to do some work and played some tunes. Then it hit me… I collect music genres.

Most people I know stick to one genre. Yeah they have their favorite oldies or latest top 40 song they really enjoy, but for the most part they pick one type of music and embrace it until they die. But I don’t do that. Phases occur in my life when something just clicks, I find my niche, and basically download every obscure song from a specific genre for a good portion of a year. And then I move on to the next.

This is something I learned from my parents. Growing up with my parents their music tastes altered from year to year. From classic country to doo-wop, bluegrass to folk revival, sixties/seventies rock to whatever, my parents were constantly shifting through their records and cassette tapes and bringing new music into my life.

My parents never did get into disco, though. Thank you God.

Past genres in my life that I have devoured include ska, big band, classic rock, bubble gum pop, adult alternative, jazz fusion, British-wave, neo-folk, indie, glam rock, alt country, country, and immigrant punk. My latest genre obsession has been neo-soul.

You could chalk up the different genres as the result of changing times, interests, and taste. But I don’t think that’s it. I still love all the music I have collected and listen to it when the mood strikes.

I think on the surface level I collect genres for the challenge - the challenge to reach out and bring something foreign into my life. My parents were constantly changing their music and challenging me to learn about other cultures, times, and people. And I guess by searching for new music I can continue this tradition.

But what it really boils down to is that this genre changing actually brings me closer to my past, my home, and my parents. Earlier I stated that collecting ties us to that which is important in establishing our identity. And for me that involves my family.

Romans 5:1-5

Well I guess it is about time that I provided an update regarding my life in Muncie thus far. And it’s… going.

The class content hasn’t been challenging… but that means I don’t want to do my work. Getting paid for real work and experience is good… but all consuming. Some new friends have been made… but I miss my girls.

Blah. If anything good has come out of this experience so far it is that I know what bars to go to for penny pitchers and craft beers.

Sorry for being such a downer.

It has always been easy to find the “buts” in my life. Guess I’ll just chalk it up as a combination of my genetic disposition and fallen nature.

But (yes, another but) I do not want to write off this experience yet.

Currently I am in that wonderful state of limbo where you just say fuck all and go with the flow. Another word for this state is hope.

If you are reading this (if anyone is reading this) you’ll look at the last couple of sentences and will go “huh?” But it’s true. My current let it be attitude is actually a profession of my hope. Kind of like that awful saying “let go and let god” without the tone of indifference.

I am here for a reason. Whatever that reason is maybe I will never know. Perhaps life at Ball State will teach me to be a good steward of my finances in a time when the economy sucks. Or possibly it will push me to realize how much I miss the city and community of Pittsburgh, and that the Midwest is not a viable option for my future life.

So all I can do is hope. And listen to Beyoncé.

update...

soon. i will update soon. i swear. until then awesome music. word.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XI_7VRY1DRI

if you like this you'll love 100 yard dash. check check check it out.

oh. i almost forgot.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gjLNGlHmITs

and

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M11SvDtPBhA

enjoy.

i got a new man in my life...

and his name is keaton!!! yes, the love shack baby has finally emerged from the loins of his ever-so-lovely mother sara and he is beautiful. i have already started working on nicknames and my fave so far is sweet keats. as he gets older i will just call him keats for i have high expectations for this boy - he will be brilliant as well as easy on the eyes. congrats sara and kyle!!

in other news grad school is... well it just is. classes do not appear to be anything i can't handle. so far i have already known or been familar with all of the content (thanks dochoc and layton!) and haven't had much work outside of class... i am a ga for two very different, but engaging professors. the first is highly interested in family literacy (yay!) and i am currently helping her develop curriclum for a course on universal design instruction. the second prof's area of expertise is alternative communcation devices. basically i am overseeing his undergrad diagnostics class. although i am gaining great experience by working with these professor's they will most definitly be the death of me... also one cannot forget the city of muncie. already amanda and i have discovered some of its hidden jewels, but only time will tell whether or not i will strike up a love affair with this midwestern town.

on a side note i had the brilliant idea for a new tattoo (sorry mom). i have been studying through hebrews and in chapter 6 hope and faith in christ are compared to an anchor. this imagery just hit home with me and needless to say it would make an awesome tattoo. lots more planning needs to go into this idea and i already have some more fully developed concepts for other tattoos, but i still love this idea. when funds allow it, it will be done.

legen(wait for it)dary

yesssssss! i swear if nph wasn't gay i would most definitely stalk him.http://www.mtv.com/news/articles/1619609/20090826/story.jhtml

refrigerators - a window to the soul

You can tell a lot about a person by the contents of their fridge. Both the outer shell and its fillings provide insight to the madness of its owner.

Take for instance my parents fridge. The insides are a hot mess of condiments, home cooked leftovers, and half empty milk jugs. Its outer walls are concealed by an ungodly amount of photos, vague phone numbers, tacky magnets, and faded newspaper articles.

But through all of this disorder a picture of a family is revealed. A deeper look provides insight into the world of the Aratas. Bottles of cholula, and the remnants of artichokes, avocadoes, and homemade enchiladas expose a family who has embraced its southwestern identity. Photos of vacations past, tacky poses, and graduation caps reveal a diverse yet loving family. Magnets featuring bible verses, superheroes, and an alcoholic mayor expose the heart and humor of the household.

My parent’s fridge took ten years to look as it does. Ten years of life has produced a fridge that illustrates a family that is chaotic but full of affection for not only food and its hometown, but for one another as well.

And that brings me to Muncie, Indiana. A place where I have lived and had a fridge for exactly three days. Yet already it has begun to take on a life that mimics its owners. Already the insides are bursting with locally grown produce and a six pack of yuengling (the last for many months). The outside are already covered with coupon clippings and homemade beer cap magnets. Pictures have emerged on its walls that capture cherished friendships and individuals with an odd sense of humor.

So in closing I encourage you to look and reflect on your own refrigerator. What does it convey about you and your life? What revelations are found regarding what you treasure and find pleasure in?

public enemies

--possible spoiler alert--

bearing in mind that the film featured johnny depp and christian bale, it left me wanting. not wanting in regards to brilliant acting, extensive shoot outs, and overall entertainment value, but rather it lacked hope. instead of depicting the glorious triumph of good over evil and the masses over the elite as the film’s trailers suggested, it reflected desolate people with no chance of escaping their current state. no matter if the characters held on to money, fame, security, or love, no one in the film was able to grasp on to anything remotely resembling truth or contentment. in the end there was no winner, there was no hope.

in actuality i should not be too surprised by the film’s content. director michael mann last couple of projects have all left me unsatisfied due in part to his constant focus on the depravity of man (hancock, miami vice). yes i am a calvinist and more that anyone else i should understand mann’s perspective and appreciate his message. however, one of the essential components to my faith is the embrace of grace and realization that redemption is possible despite ourselves. although mann understands and beautifully depicts human nature, he continuously fails to capture the optimism and hope that can be found in this world through christ.

one has to point out, however, that the film could not have been released at a better time. unemployment and increasing debt is rampant, and the american people are like those in ‘public enemies’ - constantly searching in all the wrong places for hope and redemption. it will be interesting to read the reviews of the film during the next couple of weeks and see how it fairs at the box office.

home, where my thoughts escaping

how like a winter hath my absence been from thee.

home in vegas - sunburned. working for the man - saddened. hanging with the homies - enlightened.

sorry it has been so long. more detailed updates and thoughts coming soon.

2 Corinthians 1:3-7

Well apparently it’s going to be one of those days. One of those days in which you just throw up your hands and say whatever. No matter how hard you try or rely or whatever it just never seems enough.

These are the days when I most feel that the reformed church has totally manipulated my mind into something that gravitates towards depression. Yes I understand the beauty of grace but it’s hard to feel valued by Christ when you remember that you are totally depraved and a degenerate to boot.

Anyway like I said it’s been one of those days. So instead of moping I thought I get a quick emotional lift by listening to some tunes. And what comes up? “Born to Late” by The Clarks. Great. This is soon followed by the “Green Fields of France” by the Dropkick Murphy’s and “Stuck in Between Stations” by the Hold Steady. No lie. This was then followed by Third Eye Blind’s “Jumper.”

Needless to say the music is now off. Ugh.

Anyway here is a video of Western PA’s timeless rockers The Clarks. Enjoy.

la ti da

ramblings...

seattle. beautiful seattle. wonderful program. hell of expensive program.

muncie. random muncie. decent program. free to me program.

it is funny how god functions. he can give us an opportunity we thought we wanted. really, really wanted in fact. then he can present us with something we had forgotten and long ago dismissed. but it is a call (and a hard one to ignore at that) nevertheless.

so what does one do?
or rather what do i do?

west or midwest? debt or no debt? dream or calling?

ugh. i know. i know. freakishly lame complaints from someone way too blessed. the decision has been made. i am just not willing to admit it quite yet. i still want to hold onto the dream. but what i really need to do is hold onto christ.

oh, well. ball state here i come.

Galatians 6:17

It was a Saturday when Amanda and I took a journey down to Pittsburgh where we arrived on Carson Street amidst the St. Patty’s Day parade madness. Already at two in the afternoon the Southside was dominated by waves of green clad Pittsburghers who were getting their drink on. Although the atmosphere was highly enjoyable, we dodged the drunks and headed towards our destination. As we came to the door we knew that this was it. We realized that within a few moments we would never be the same again. We would be forever inked.

Okay. Enough of the drama. But this story is true. Amanda and I finally got our tattoos. After talking and scheming about is for the past three years we decided to make the leap and get it done. We went to the tattoo parlor ‘In the Blood’ which Amanda has school ties to and apparently it has some sort of Christian affiliation. We received tattoos from a wonderfully nice man name Travis who I would highly recommend based upon the fact that he called Amanda a nerd and had an x-ray of his ex-wife’s head hanging on the wall. Well that and the wonderful job he did on my tattoo.

And what a wonderful tattoo it is. Although it is located on my left foot I initially wanted it on my neck until my mom informed me that tattoos located there are “ghetto.” So instead of aggravating my parents further with this venture I opted for the foot. Anyway after much debate and contemplation I decided upon on the hymn lyric “with heavenly beauty shine.” Although there were a couple others in the running, I decided upon the tattoo mainly because it conveyed my calling.



Yes calling. That dreaded term that Geneva students immediately hear and cringe. Last semester I read a couple of different books that indirectly referenced calling. One was the “Eat, Pray, Love” and the other was the “Irresistible Revolution.” Although both books had their flaws (like everything else) I did pull out a thing or two about calling from their pages.

In “Eat, Pray, Love” author Elizabeth Gilbert related her search for her word. Her word being the culmination of all of her beliefs, passions, and dreams summed up into one simple, brief utterance. Gilbert saw defining herself as an essential component of living out her life and achieving her need for balance. Interestingly, Shane Claiborne’s also discussed such a search. However, his exploration was for a place. Claiborne’s search was for his Calcutta. A place where he could serve – a place in Christ. Similar to Gilbert, Claiborne searched in order to identify himself so that he could live out his life and calling.

After reading both these works I was split between finding a word and place. But then I thought couldn’t these things be combined? So I thought about it for a while. Read a lot. Reflected a lot. Cried a lot. And then read a lot more. And reflected a lot more. And cried a lot more. I won’t weigh you down with the specifics but I found that I was continually drawn to one specific concept though all of this. And that was beauty.

But not your typical run-of-the-mill shallow beauty. No. My beauty implied a level of completeness and that advocated for redemption. This beauty made love a revolution rather than a commodity. Beauty to me is a place of unhindered love in which I am able to be the creative and vulnerable person that I am commanded to be so that He is glorified.

Sorry for the crappy transition here, but since I wanted a tattoo I decided that somehow I needed to convey this concept of beauty. I needed to find something that would remind me of how I am called to live. So I searched through different hymns that featured the word beauty. I found numerous hymns with “beauty” in it, but the one that truly grasped me was from Remember the Sabbath. “Shine with heavenly beauty.” The words lay bare how I am called to live.

So if you are planning to get a tattoo or have one already tell me. I would love to hear your story.



this picture was inspired by amanda's sourness (she hasn't found her vampire yet). however, as her new tattoo expresses so wonderfully in french, she will continue to hope.


aerial view.

geneva college film fest reject

simply brilliant. watch the first link before watching the geneva remake.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R7yfISlGLNU

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZJf5VqAUDes

happy birthday bobert!

what has happened to all your joy? – gal. 4:15

during my short twenty two years i have had few moments of true contentment. most of my time has been spent reflecting on and striving to obtain satisfaction. a satisfaction that i acknowledge is rooted in the lord but still feel like i have to force.

after a lengthy period of brooding followed by some heavy spiritual reflection (and a few cervezas) i do eventually grasp something outside myself and am put somewhat at ease. heck, there are moments when i feel totally complete and satisfied in the beauty that has been graciously bestowed upon my life.

but that is soon replaced. i begin to overanalyze. my mind starts to grind on every aspect and little detail. i begin to weigh the different circumstances and expectations that have come to exemplify my life. that is when faith and confidence abandon me. that is when joy escapes.

in a novel i once read a mother described her daughter when she was a young girl. she claimed that her daughter did not like white and would spend hours sobbing as she worked her way through her coloring books as she tried to fill in the white. the girl was sobbing because she could see that she would never be done; that her whole life would be spent in the hopeless task of filling in the white. she found it necessary to fill in the white. to color in the issues. to fill in the lines in order to ignore the truth.

much like the little girl i have this need to be in control. i seem to be submitting to the will of man rather than the will of god. constantly i seem to be filling in the white of my life not for christ’s glory but for my own. the only way to fill in the white spaces is to live through the lord. our life in him will provide the colors necessary to fill our lives.

but this hard. it is hard to give up control and die to a life of faith. but it is harder to live a life without christ. a life in which weariness reigns and rest impossible.

the bridge of sighs

this is the latest time killer going around on facebook. love it.



Instructions
1 - Go to "wikipedia." Hit "Random article"or click <http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Special:Random>The first random wikipedia article you get is the name of your band.

2 - Go to "Random quotations"or click <http://www.quotationspage.com/random.php3>The last four or five words of the very last quote of the page is the title of your first album

3 - Go to flickr and click on "Explore the last seven days"or click <http://www.flickr.com/explore/interesting/7days>Third picture, no matter what it is, will be your album cover.

4 - Use Photoshop (or similar) to put it all together.

5 - Post it to Facebook as a note and tag the friends you want to join in.

Results
1. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Bridge_of_Sighs_(poem)

2. Everything happens to everybody sooner or later if there is time enough. George Bernard Shaw (1856 - 1950)

3. http://www.flickr.com/photos/mjmatt/3334467908/in/pool-1047345@N23

Judgement

Romantic love is blind to everything except what is loveable and lovely, but Christ's love sees us with terrible clarity and sees us whole. Christ's love so wishes our joy that it is ruthless against everything in us that diminishes our joy. The worst sentence Love can pass is that we behold the suffering which Love has endured for our sake, and that is also our aquittal. The justice and the mercy of the judge are ultimately one.

i think tonight is going to be de (wait for it) lightful. Delightful!

i finally got around to purchasing a tea infuser.



how did i ever live without this simple yet brilliant beverage apparatus i do not know. by chance or providence or more likely the incessant whining of a tea aficionado i will call emily, i was drawn to the beaver valley mall and into a culinary store where i met the four dollar silver ball of glory that became mine.

i seriously do not know why i did not own one of these things sooner. i have had a can of harrod’s loose leaf tea just gathering dust in my cupboard for months. the tea combined with some recently purchased ginger and heavy cream (for a tikka masala sauce i am making for the house dinner later this week- pray for this venture) just made the perfect drink for a lazy tuesday afternoon.

thank god for the little beauties in life.

next dusty cupboard product to be used: cardamom

but drops of grief can ne'er repay the debt of love i owe

well it is week eight. two whole months. wow.

as some of you know i was not happy with my clinical practicum at the beginning of the semester. a lot of nerves, loneliness, and a less than ideal placement put me in quite a funk. dreams of graduation and my roomies were all that kept me from loading up my car and driving back to vegas.

providentially i sifted through some old journal entries from my semester in pittsburgh and came across a prayer that i had written at the beginning of my internship. the prayer asked god to grant me the ability to reveal his love to the refugee population i met at gplc. i prayed to embrace this fringe population and just smother them with the beauty that can be found in christ.

interestingly the prayer was birthed out of feelings that are similar to that which i felt at the beginning of the current semester.

after reading the prayer i decided that this was once again my mission for the semester. i needed to shift my focus from what i wanted to get out of the experience to how god could be glorified instead. specifically how could i demonstrate god’s love to the kids at my sites.

and these kids need love. some of these kids are ostracized by their fellow schoolmates, teachers, and family members. some of these kids have realized that others don’t have the same struggles that they do and that they are some how different. some of these kids simply lack hope.

since i have re-embraced this whole loving for christ bit my perspective has changed regarding my practicum (who would of thunk) and i am quite enjoying certain aspects of my situation that i absolutely thought were unbearable before.

sadly (or wonderfully depending on who you are talking to), this whole situation has further confirmed the constant lack of faith in my life. but also it has demonstrated the unwavering perseverance of the lord.

god is so good and constant in his love. hopefully this experience will grant me some faithfulness during the troublesome moments that lie ahead.

woot woot

so yesterday was the day of awesome links.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2_HXUhShhmY
http://barneysvideoresume.com/

steeler day

well the steelers won. meaning someone of the supervising persuasion got his drink on and decided to call off. so today is a steeler day...

anyway below is the chorus to a song that is simply gorgeous. if you have time check-ch-check-check-check-ch-check it out.

Should I give up,
Or should I just keep chasing pavements?
Even if it leads nowhere,
Or would it be a waste?
Even If I knew my place should I leave it there?
Should I give up,
Or should I just keep chasing pavements?
Even if it leads nowhere.

"chasing pavements" - adele

snow day

It is currently around eight thirty this morning. My clinic experience was once again canceled due to the weather. And once again instead of doing actual work I am blogging. And once again I will probably follow that up by watching the Today Show and Sports Center. Wonderful.

Anyway…

I started to read the late William C. Placher’s work Narratives of a Vulnerable God. I got this book through ILL after it was suggested to me by the oh-so-wise and future Geneva chapel speaker Michael Sider-Rose. As of late this issue of being vulnerable and open to suffering has been on my heart. I have read a couple of works that suggest God’s vulnerability and suffering (Now and Then – Buechner, Lament for a Son – Wolterstorff, The Four Loves – Lewis), but this is the first work I have encountered that entirely focuses on this theme.

So far Placher has argued that only a God weak in power but mighty in love can be strong enough to take on the entire world’s pain and die on the cross. What an interesting concept. Today’s society it is all about power. Power over ourselves, each other, and situations beyond our control. Christians especially tend to create themselves in the image of a God that is all powerful rather than a God moved by grace.

Placher suggests that while God is powerful, he is also suffering and vulnerable. That constantly God is enduring the pain, falleness, and lovelessness of humanity and is vulnerable in his continuous love towards a sinful, rejecting, rebellious people.

Personally, I hate being vulnerable. I find it is easy to close myself off and barricade my fears and failures from others. Often we inwardly hide that which we are suffering, but in order to achieve the beauty that is rooted in God’s grace we have to become open. We have to share our selves and our burdens. C.S. Lewis wrote that “to love at all is to be vulnerable.” To love is to reveal our true selves and risk exposing our true nature.

So far the book has captivated my interests. I will let you know more as I do.

Also I forgot to mention the most glorious bit of news I have had in weeks - my grad apps are finally done! Woot woot!

vampire weekend (not the band)

Well the heat was out at our place all weekend. Needless to say it was beyond freezing. So what did my lovely roommates and I choose to distract us from our cold deathlike state? Vampire movies of course.

A total of eight films were consumed while we tried to retain our humanity in a subzero, frozen piped house. Our list tended to focus on the more popular of the vampire films and included Interview with a Vampire, From Dusk till Dawn, Underworld, Blade, Queen of the Damned, Thirty Days of Night, and Twilight.

Although this might seem like an absurd amount of movies (don’t worry too much it was spread out over a four day period) and some would argue that we had forgone a real life for an imaginary landscape, it was the perfect opportunity to discuss all kinds of random questions regarding our own humanity and truly allowed us to have a deeper appreciation for each other.

Questions and discussions arose that were inspired by the films. Some were serious and some not so much. How much do we truly value human life? Is immortality worth the cost? Why do all vampires wear leather? Why do strippers make crappy vampires?

I know some people disapprove of cinema and choose instead to dive primarily into their own journeys , but films are relevant to our lives. Movies force us to look at the course of humanity and what it means to exist. Even the movies that lack characters with souls have something to offer to this conversation called life.

Next movie marathon theme: stoners

Then the Garmin said: Recalculating

Constantly I feel road blocked. It seems like just as soon as I turn around from the last closure, I take another path that further leads me astray from my destination.

Sorry for the terrible metaphor. Needless to say I am struggling. Even though I consciously strive to embrace God’s will for my life and attempt to become content in the beauty that is around me, I still come up wanting.

Prayer has become my only comfort. But even that requires striving and imagining the impossible. For prayer is a matter of faith. It is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen. It is hard.

Hopefully through prayer I will begin to perceive the things that I have failed to see. Maybe I will begin to understand the roadblocks in my life. Recalculating...

Look at you, ya beautiful bastard! You suited up! This is totally going in my blog!

Hello. It’s been awhile. However, I am not quite ready to dive back into thinking. So instead please enjoy the following works by Friedrich Kunath. Hands down my favorite contributor to the Life on Mars exhibit at the Carnegie Museum of Art (ends 1/11).

Ariel, 2008

it seems as men get older they turn towards the water, 2007

untitled, 2007/2008

Cancel Everything, 2007/2008